Grow me first

As we begin this year's theme, Called to Grow, I've found myself reflecting on a simple question:

What if the first thing God wants to grow isn't our church, our ministry, or our influence—but us?

Like many of you, I've spent years praying for God to grow the ministries He's entrusted to me. I've prayed for greater impact, healthier teams, deeper discipleship, and more opportunities to serve His Kingdom. Those are good prayers, and I believe they honor the heart of God.

But over the last several years, I've become increasingly curious about something.

What if, before God expands what He's entrusted to us, He first desires to deepen something within us?

As I've reflected on my own journey in ministry, I've discovered that seasons of growth have rarely begun with new strategies, better systems, or bigger opportunities. More often than not, they have begun with the Holy Spirit gently revealing something in my own heart that He wanted to transform.

That realization has changed the way I pray.

Instead of asking only, "Lord, grow what You've entrusted to me," I've found myself praying, "Lord, what do You want to grow in me?"

As we begin this journey together, my hope isn't to offer all the answers. Rather, it's to invite us into a shared posture of reflection. My prayer is that these conversations simply create space for each of us to hear more clearly what the Holy Spirit may already be saying through His Word.

Because before God grows what is around us, He often chooses to grow what is within us.

What I've Discovered

Over the last decade of ministry, both inside and outside the church, one of the greatest gifts God has given me hasn't been a new leadership principle or a better ministry strategy.

It's been the willingness to honestly examine my own heart.

I'm grateful for the leaders who have invested in my life over the years. They've challenged me, encouraged me, believed in me, and helped shape the leader I am today. Their influence has been a tremendous gift. But if I'm honest, one of the most transformative parts of that journey hasn't been what they taught me. It's been what they helped me see.

There have been moments when trusted people have lovingly asked difficult questions, shared how something I said or did affected them, or gently pointed out something I couldn't see in myself. Those conversations weren't always comfortable, but they became some of the greatest catalysts for growth in my life.

I've discovered that it's one thing to know what I'm thinking or feeling. It's another thing entirely to understand where those thoughts are coming from and how they're shaping the people I lead.

That realization has left me asking different questions.

Not simply:

"Am I leading well?"

But...

"Is there anything in me that's influencing my leadership more than I realize?"

"Are there places where fear, insecurity, control, or past experiences are shaping my responses more than I recognize?"

"Is the Holy Spirit inviting me to surrender something that I've unintentionally learned to manage instead?"

I certainly don't have all the answers to those questions.

But I've become convinced of this:

Healthy leadership begins with the humility to believe there may still be something God wants to reveal within us.

And that's not something to fear.

It's an invitation.

What Growth Reveals

One of the things I've discovered is that growth has a way of exposing what comfort has been hiding.

As long as life and ministry feel familiar, it's often easy to overlook the places where fear, insecurity, or even pride have quietly taken root. We learn to function around them. We adapt. We become comfortable.

Then God invites us into something new.

A new assignment.

A larger responsibility.

A difficult conversation.

A season of change.

And suddenly, things we didn't know were there begin to surface.

I've found myself wondering if this is one of God's greatest acts of grace.

Not that He exposes our weaknesses to shame us, but that He lovingly reveals them because He desires to transform them.

For me, that has sometimes looked like fear disguised as caution.

At other times, it has looked like the desire to control situations because uncertainty felt uncomfortable.

I've also discovered moments when my own insecurities quietly influenced the way I responded to people or situations. Those weren't easy things to recognize, but they were gifts. Because anything the Holy Spirit reveals is something He also desires to redeem.

That has left me reflecting on a simple but sobering thought:

Anything in us that has not been surrendered to Christ will eventually influence how we lead others.

I don't say that as a warning meant to create fear.

I say it as an invitation to hope.

Because the purpose of conviction has never been condemnation.

The purpose of conviction is transformation.

Perhaps that's why David prayed:

"Search me, God, and know my heart... See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23–24)

David wasn't inviting God to tell him something God didn't already know.

He was inviting God to reveal something David didn't yet see.

I've become increasingly convinced that this is one of the most courageous prayers a leader can pray.

Not because it is easy.

But because it creates space for the Holy Spirit to do His deepest work before asking Him to do His greatest work through us.

An Invitation

As we begin this year's journey together, I don't know what God may be preparing you for.

Perhaps He's opening a new door.

Perhaps He's asking you to lead through a season of change.

Perhaps He's expanding your influence in ways you never expected.

Or perhaps the greatest work He wants to do isn't around you at all.

Perhaps it's within you.

As I reflect on my own journey, I've become convinced that healthy ministry doesn't begin with having all the right answers. It begins with having the humility to continually place our hearts before the Lord and invite Him to do what only He can do.

The beautiful invitation of Psalm 139 isn't simply to be known by God. We already are.

It's to willingly place ourselves before Him and say:

"Lord, if there's anything in me that is keeping me from becoming who You've created me to be, I trust You enough to reveal it. And I trust You enough to transform it."

That's the hope of the Gospel.

God never reveals something simply to expose it.

He reveals it so He can heal it.

As we begin this season of being Called to Grow, my prayer isn't simply that we would become better leaders.

My prayer is that we would become more surrendered disciples.

Because healthy ministry has never been the product of extraordinary leaders.

It has always been the fruit of ordinary people continually transformed by an extraordinary God

So before we ask God to grow our churches…

Before we ask Him to expand our influence…

Before we ask Him to bless the work of our hands…

May we first pray the words of David:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart… Lead me in the way everlasting."

And with open hands, may we simply say:

"Lord, grow me first."